Four Ways I Deal With Stress

I was planning on writing up a life update blog post, but I'm going through a lot of personal stuff right now and even though I'm very honest and open with you all, I know a lot of other people have been struggling with stress and anxiety at the moment too, so instead of you reading a lengthy blog post full of negativity, instead, I want to share my four ways I've been dealing with stress and hope it can help some of you too.

This is a very new way I deal with stress. I never thought I would be saying this, but exercising really does help me take my mind off of things. Following a routine, I'm focused and with stress on my mind it seems to make me work harder too. 

Music has always been my therapy, and always will be. My earphones are my happy place. I don't really listen to anything in particular. If anything, when I'm sad, listening to sad music helps me - some of you might think that's absolutely bonkers. But, I feel like it's a way for me to connect to the song itself. It just works for me.

If things do get too much for me, I write down how I'm feeling as it helps to clear my head a little. I also write down to-do lists and spread things out over multiple days by importance. This has always worked wonders for me! Each day, I look at my to-do list and focus on what needs to be done on that particular day and nothing else.

Just breathe and focus on the present. I'm a nightmare for over-thinking into the future and what's to come. I've been worse since COVID has happened because our wedding, honeymoon, hen and stag do's, buying our first home and trying for a baby have all been put on hold and I have honestly been so stressed about it all. But, every day, I take about 5 minutes in the evening to just breathe and focus on my breathing to release the stress, even if it is for only 5 minutes. Also, telling myself that I'm lucky to be alive and healthy and to be happy with what I have at this moment in time.

How do you deal with stress? Is there anything else you'd recommend?

Accepting But Letting Go Of The Past

I am one of those people that gets on with their daily life and moments from the past very randomly pop into my head. 99% of the time, they're not good memories and they can really get me down. I then start questioning 'what if?' and brainstorm many ways on how I could've done things differently. 

Why didn't I break up with my ex sooner? Why didn't I listen to my best friends and families advice? What if I stayed in that job? I would've had my new car by now. 

I wish I saw my nan again before she passed.
What if I stayed at college?

I wish I never done that, what if I would've done this instead?
Honestly, it's ridiculous what kind of things run through my head. It has taken me so bloody long to actually accept the past and I'm sure so many other people can relate. Some things are harder to let go than others and that's completely normal.

The most important part of letting go of the past is understanding your past. You need to answer those questions and what ifs. It won't happen overnight but every time these thoughts pop into your head, answer them. Eventually, you'll understand your past, and then you can accept to let go.
What happened in the past were experiences and a part of life. Basically, you wouldn't be where you are now if it weren't for your past.

You can then start looking forward to your future. Write down your achievements and set goals for yourself and just focus on these. The new year is coming up really soon which is perfect for this.
The most important thing I've understood is that I've lived to experience these adventures. Nobodys perfect and I won't let my past define me. I've set goals for the near future which I'm very much looking forward to. And most of all, I'm grateful.

btw, this pumpkin was super heavy! 

I've Gained Weight and I Feel Pretty Shit About It

I was 50/50 on whether I wanted to write this blog post or not. I don't know where to start, or what to say. I didn't know if it would make me feel worse writing about it or make me feel better and more determined to make some changes in my life. 

So, yeah, I've gained weight... and I'm the biggest I've ever been. 

When I went on holiday back in August, I packed all of my shorts and I couldn't fit in any of them. What a waste of luggage space that was and I had to wear the same ol' outfits again and again, bore. I used to go to the gym two or three times a week to get that holiday bod ready for Mexico. 

That obvs didn't work did it?

I've no longer been able to fit into my clothes, my tummy sticks out looking like I'm six months pregnant, I have a huge ass and massive hips. My thighs rub together when I walk causing chub rub which is fucking sore.

 I feel so uncomfortable. I literally live in my leggings and stretchy vest tops.

It has been affecting my life. I had four outfit posts planned for my blog, Liam had taken the photos for me for one outfit post and when we got back home and I looked through the photos, I cried my eyes out. I felt disgusting. I don't want to go to the gym anymore because I'm self conscious. I don't want to go on nights out or out with my friends because I have nothing nice to wear.

I've gained weight because I have had a really shit and stressful year and my depression has hit me like a tonne of bricks. When I'm depressed, I eat. And as I've been eating, the bigger I get. The more I put on weight, the more it depresses me and I turn back to comfort food. It's like going round in a vicious circle.

But do you know what? It's no ones business how much weight I've put on because I've learnt to accept that it's pretty fucking normal. I still feel shit about it, but it's normal! I will go to the gym and work my arse off to get my body back. I will go out with my friends and live my life rather than sitting around at home, crying and eating comfort food. 

I'm human and I have to accept that.

My Story: #LetsTalkAnxiety

This post is inspired by Robyn and her blog post all about #LetsTalkAnxiety - which you can read here. I think this is a fantastic idea as lots of other people that have anxiety can read these posts and won't feel like they're alone.

My Story:

I think it slowly built up on me. I was always a very shy person but we all know that anxiety and being shy are two completely different things. They are not the same! Anxiety is a mental illness. As I was a shy person, I knew that it wasn't me being shy. I knew it was something different. It felt different. If you have never been shy and never had anxiety - you won't know the difference.

I think it properly started in September last year. I just started my level 3 hairdressing course at college. I had to get the bus to college in the early mornings... 3 days a week. The bus used to be packed in the mornings - obviously, because everyone had work, school and college etc. There may have been an odd seat now and again but I always used to stand because I hated sitting next to someone that I didn't know. It wasn't a very long trip to college anyway, so I didn't mind.

I felt more and more anxious every time I got on that bus. I felt like everyone would stare at me. After being on that bus for a good couple of minutes, I felt claustrophobic, hot, dizzy, sick, faint and I couldn't breathe properly. My heart was racing. I couldn't wait to get off that bus. I thought I was just having another one of my fainting spells - as I'm prone to fainting.

After feeling this happen more than once in public places, I realised that something wasn't right. I was scared and confused. That's when I realised that I was having panic attacks.

I gathered that I had some sort of anxiety. As I was blogging at the time, I came across a shared blog post on Twitter all about anxiety. The lovely girl who had wrote that post was willing to receive any emails from people regarding that post. I sent her a quick email as I was confused and I wanted her point of view. She emailed back and encouraged me to go and see a doctor and that's exactly what I went and done.

When it got really bad:

One morning I woke up and I felt like I didn't care about anything anymore. I really didn't want to get out of bed or even leave the house. I felt like this on numerous occasions. Anyway, because of this, I missed my bus and my mum offered to take me if not I would've turned up to college late. At the time, my mum didn't know anything about my anxiety. I didn't talk to my mum the whole way to college, like I usually do. She dropped me off at college and I headed straight to the toilets and I bawled my eyes out for about an hour.

Yes, I skived. Never in my life have I skived from anything before.

I didn't know why I was crying. I just couldn't go into class. I just couldn't do it.

My friend text me asking why I wasn't in that day. I told her to come and meet me. She helped me put on a bit of a brave face and we went to go and tell my college tutor.

He was worried about me and I gave him permission to call my mum and tell her what was going on. He sent me home and from then on, my mum brought me to college every morning and she's been so helpful.

My tutor even sorted out counselling sessions for me in the college.

At one point in my life, it got really low. I used to be emotional every single day. I used to have so many panic attacks, I had lots of time off college, I skived a lot, I wouldn't pay for anything myself, I couldn't talk to my friends on the phone, book appointments over the phone, I never used to go shopping, my boyfriend even told me to grow up and stop being pathetic - he just didn't understand.

It affected my health. I had hardly no sleep as I was scared about what the next day was going to bring. I didn't talk to my friends much and me and my boyfriend had countless arguments.

As for my counsellor - she didn't really help. She always used to ask why I was emotional and I couldn't answer because I didn't know why. So, we never got anywhere in our sessions. She referred me to a 'better counsellor' as she thought that they could help me more and discover what was causing my anxiety.

However, I was put on a waiting list. Within this time, I eventually passed my level 3 hairdressing course and my driving test! No more buses and no more college! Even though I still had my anxiety, I gradually got happier and I cancelled my slot on the waiting list.

I have definitely become much more confident now that I have my own car - I'm much happier too.

Yes I'm back at college but I'm now doing something that I enjoy much more and I'm loving it.

As for anxiety, yes it's still there and yes I still have panic attacks. If I get to how low I was before - me and my tutor have already got a new counsellor to go and see if things get tough.

If you are having a tough time with your anxiety or you think you've got anxiety, go and talk to someone. It could be anyone - your teacher, your friend, your parents, family members, doctor etc. 

You are not alone!